HEADER MENU

Logo Background Image

Logo Background Image

take care

By 8/14/2017


i was talking with some friends recently about how when there are big changes in your life, and things feel like they're crumbling -- it's important to know what you can hold onto, what can you grip, what's unbreakable - what's yours?  changes, and the uncertainty that comes with them, bring big questions about your identity.

when life changes for me - that's the question: what's mine?  what won't go away?  what have i been working on, to make me happy, that sustains me even when everything else goes sideways?  in essence, how do i take care of myself so that in good times, and bad, i'll be ok...

thinking through my answers with you here, and i'd love to hear yours as well.

i spend time with friends.  i threw my net wide, particularly over raleigh in the last few years, as i searched for my place here, and my people.  i'm very lucky i landed some big catches - jessica, jeff, and asher could feed a village with their friendships (loaves and fishes metaphor here).  between the three, always on tap, i have a dinner companion, a dancing partner, and a movie date.  they are there to celebrate and commiserate, to listen and love on me when i need it, plus they're judgey AF and they make me laugh.  i spend 25 hours a day with jessica for work, but i make it a point to spend some real time with each of them every week i'm in town.  they are augmented by a larger core group of friends that i can count on for amazing dinner parties, the best brunches, workout pals, and coffee breaks.

i exercise - if i'm in raleigh i try for 5 out of 7 days.  i have a membership at barre3, so that's the go-to, but i also work in two yogasculpt classes at corepower, and some pilates each week.  i have never once left a class and regretted going.  i like barre because it makes you move for an hour - there's a ton of energy, great music and it's a full body workout with weights and cardio.  yogasculpt is insane - you literally can't think about anything else because you're focused on surviving.  it's hot yoga flow with weights and super-high intensity cardio bursts.  if you need an attitude adjustment, you can count on that hour changing the rest of your day.  i don't do as much pilates as i used to, but there's nothing like it to lengthen out your body, correct your posture and tone up your core quick-fast.

i walk a lot - the dogs love long walks, and we have a great park right across the street with an easy 1.5 mile loop (and lots of free wildflowers).  my new neighborhood is great because you can take a new route each walk and discover alleyways and easements i had no idea existed.  i don't listen to music or take my phone.  i chat with the pups, use the time to think and, pick free wildflowers.  it's important to take these breaks in my day to unplug, be present, actually look around and be outdoors and feel like part of my community - either by walking to grab coffee, to the park to toss a tennis ball and chat with neighbors, or to the store to pickup dinner.  raleigh isn't necessarily a walk-able city, but right here, where i live, walking works for me.

i love the internet.  santa claus brought me a macintosh II computer when i was 10 (what's up carmen sandiego!), and my fifth grade class was the first to use the 'computer lab' for intellectual pursuits like playing the oregon trail and odell lake.  i was 15 when the modern internet as we know it essentially began - with AOL offering a flat-rate for dial up access, and i spent hours on end in chat rooms flirting with punk rawk boys, teaching myself code so i could create hello kitty websites and making handwriting fonts with my friends' handwriting.  now, i self-soothe with my computer.  i google, i pin, i write, i photoshop, i blog, i organize, i chat - most importantly, i discover.  i get inspired, and when i'm lucky, i execute.  it's a huge part of my life.

i practice telling the truth, not running from the uncomfortable, being vulnerable to love, and learning to value myself - it allows me to show up in my relationships and my work as a whole person, not someone pretending.  every day presents a challenge, an opportunity for me to practice this, and try to do things differently.

big picture, those are the things i need on the daily to sustain the part of me that i know can't crumble.

also,
i buy candles.
i make a gratitude list.
i go to therapy.
i love on my pups.
i have sex.
i eat, a lot.
i do the nytimes crossword puzzle.
i rearrange.
i travel.

a whole lot this, plus a little of that, and i'm doing my best to take care of me.  do tell, what are the things you do to stay sane.  to help with happiness and to make sure you take care of yourself?

25 comments

  1. I think this is my favorite post of yours EVER. I think my list is pretty similar, except the exercise part. Im allergic. I probably need to fix that. Also, the internet has been a HUGE part of my self acceptance and personal growth. When you read and delve into things and find out that all the things that you thought made you a freak, are actually quite normal, Its so comforting. It least it has been for me. :)

    Peace & Blessings on your continued journey Jamie. Its been fun watching you grow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you - that's very sweet. you're so right on the internet - it really does connect doesn't it?

      Delete
  2. These are all important ways to care for yourself. Many of them take money and lots of it. You are fortunate and you have worked hard. As I have become older, I realize that "giving back" to help others is an important part of my "self". Not always being the center of my universe. Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. good point bonnie - that's definitely something i need to do more of!

      Delete
  3. I love this post. As someone who has suffered from depression and saught treatment, it's very useful to have a list. I also live on my rescue pups and cat. One tip I learned in treatment is to have an emergency box with things that comfort you. For me there's a travel candle, a Jo Malone scented lotion, my favorite gum, a pretty scarf that feels good and looks like an Impressionist painting, a lip treatment (Sisley in the pink pot is my fav), a sudoku puzzle book, tea bags, mandalas to color, beautiful colored pens for coloring (because you can zone out and calm down) and a list of people I can call for TLC. I also keep a special playlist on my phone, visit my favorite blogs and go to YouTube to watch cute kitten and puppy compilations. It's lifesaving to have a plan and a box when/if darkness comes, you don't have to stop and think, you just grab the box and comfort yourself. I recently gave a box to someone I love who is struggling and I hope it helps her as much as it has helped me. Your blog is one I visit when I need a pick-me-up. It's gorgeous and authentic. Someday I hope to visit Furbish. Lots of love and admiration, B

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i love this idea! a comfort box. i have someone in mind and this is just the thing for them!

      thank you for commenting

      Delete
    2. I need to make a comfort box stat! Thank you for the idea!!

      Delete
  4. What a beautiful and honest post. Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I read. Love to read and collect/organize my books. Today, for the first time in a long time, i took a 30 min walk around my neighborhood. It was wonderful and will be adding it to my daily routine. thanks for sharing. love these type of post. Best of luck on your journey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. same same same! always can find escape in a book

      Delete
  6. Great post. Hmm.... for me: I garden. I run. I make my house more beautiful (probably too vague). I hang out with friends. I escape from my kids with my husband.

    It's amazing how having children makes all of these things so much harder to do. But thanks for reminding me that I need to make more me time :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i'd love to garden more - i just have no follow through. husbands are fun too =)

      Delete
  7. Thank you for sharing. I love the earlier comment about a comfort box. I read it, made one and came back to respond. I enjoy re-watching comedies, getting outside with my nieces and rearranging ALL THE THINGS!!!

    Thanks again. This is one of those good things we're told to look for amongst the bad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i love that you made a box!! such a great idea.

      Delete
  8. Long time reader, never before commented. This is such an important post. Thank you for your honesty and excellent advice. Yes to everything on your list. Def the right words at the right time for me, and hugely appreciated!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. never commented before, but felt propel to do so....great post...for me, a book, music, incense, face and body oils and I'm all set.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is right on time. I have never felt so strongly like I'm falling apart - which is the universe's code for "hey girl, you're about to hit a growth spurt." Friends and walks are huge. Lists are helpful for creating brain space and easing anxiety. I also make it a point to switch from wine to hot tea, and I limit social media. Getting back to basics helps me feel at peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. so true - i always feel the cracks starting when it's time to break out of the shell

      Delete
  11. Love this! it's so important to take care of yourself and it's something that is hard to remember to do, especially in this busy season of life where we are essentially defining our adulthoods. I workout and I paint. My house is now full of mediocre acrylics (i don't have the patience to wait for oils to dry) and my friends all know what they are getting for their birthday, but I can't stop. It's so cathartic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. waiting for paint to dry -- i hear ya!

      Delete
  12. I box at Title Boxing in Cary. There's nothing like hitting a bag with all your might. I loved this post!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you so much for this post! I look up to you and all you have accomplished with Furbish and your brand. I also admire your bravery. xo

    ReplyDelete